Don't get me wrong, I love my husband. He's a wonderful man. But as I was tossing and turning last night I realized I no longer like to sleep with him. Here's why:
1. He's hot. Since I am always cold, you'd think this would be a good thing. But in the twenty years since we've been married he's morphed from a comfy heating pad into a hulking ball of fire. Honestly, sleeping with him is like jumping into a vat of boiling oil--while having a hotflash--in hell.
2. He's a cover thief. He not only steals the covers, he hijacks them and holds them hostage by throwing one leg on top of them. (Probably because he's hot.)This makes it difficult to move, like being wrapped in a straight-jacket. I can tug, pull and yank and they stay immobile.
3. His cat. I can take partial responsibility for this because I brought him the damn cat, but I had no idea how many sleepless nights this would result in. The cat loves him unconditionally. Searches for him through the house, screaming and then gazes at him with eyes full of adoration when he finds him. Of course, I've seen the cat gazing at a table lamp the same way, but I don't tell my husband that. The cat sleeps with us, then gets hungry (or too hot) and wants out. So I jump up to let him out and he freaks because he thinks I am going to throw him out of the bedroom, so he runs under the bed. After I crawl back under the covers, he remembers that he wants out. No short term memory. So he cries to get out, I try to let him out and then he hides again. I HATE THAT CAT.
4. Our bed is too small. We've both grown since we were first married and no matter how much weight I take off, the bed remains too small. Enough said.
So basically, I'm dreaming of the day when the kids leave so I can make a guest room out of one of their rooms. Now I know why the Bradys slept in separate beds. Smart people.