Monday, March 19, 2007

Food Obsessions AKA More Mac N Cheese Please

As many of you know, I am a smoker masquerading as a nonsmoker. I've been this way since I was 15. I've tried to quit many times in my life but it wasn't until time before last that it actually stuck (for eight years) Then I started again for about six months and quit again.

So basically, I know more than the average idiot about quitting. It all comes down to the hole on the face that needs to be filled with something. Honestly, I think Freud was closer to the mark on this one than either Dr. Phil or Oprah, who tell me it's emotional issues because, quite frankly, I am probably the most emotionally stable person I know. Yes, my best friend's dad stuck his hands down my shirt when I was twelve and that scared the crap out of me, but even then, I figured it was because he was an ass, not that I had done anything wrong. When my dh gets all critical and perfectionistic, I know it's because he is an anal(more Freud)little man with OCD, and not because I'm incompetant.

So Freud, with his oral/anal theories comes closest to the hole on the face, though I don't know if it had anything to do with potty training or not.

But anyway... I am left with this hole to feed. (And no, faith in GOD does NOT fill it, because I have that and this is a damn different hole, so BACK OFF that. Ahem.)

So when not smoking, I fill it with food. Carrot sticks won't fill it either. It's a very particular hole and it wants what it wants. One time when I quit smoking, the hole wanted latkas. Don't know why, but I learned how to cook a mean latke. Honest, a latka so good I could cook them at the Pioneer Courthouse Square Hanukah Celebration and a rabbi wouldn't know the difference between mine and a kosher chef's. Another time, it was homemade hot fudge over vanilla ice cream. It was to die for. (And considering I gained forty pounds in three months that time, it almost killed me!) Once I quit and ate so much home made fettucini alfredo that it almost changed my nationality.

So what is it this time? A weird cross between Cherry Garcia ice cream and the perfect mac n cheese recipe.

And yeah, my weight yo yo's with my smoking status. Sigh. That will be the next thing I tackle. But first, I have to find another recipe. For mac and cheese.


Jaci Burton said...

At least you're a 'former' smoker. And you should be damn proud of it. I've been smoking since I was 15. I need to quit. *sigh*

You're doing great.

And I *heart* Mac & Cheese.

And fettucini. I'm Italian. I can only imagine what damage I could do to cure my oral fixation once I quit. Oy.

stephhale said...

I don't smoke but I still like to fill my hole so I totally know where you are coming from. I'm planning on starting my starve for Nationals diet soon. Is it humanly possible to lose 100 pounds in three months? Love the new car, very cute!

Kristen Painter said...

Oh, mac-n-cheese. Delicious, creamy, cheesy, wonderful mac-n-cheese.

If you find a good recipe, share it.

Anonymous said...

I *heart* Mac & Cheese too! :)

Kerry Blaisdell said...

LOL! I feel your pain (as you well know ;?)). I've been meaning to ask you how it was going. With everything that's going on, it must be so tempting to backslide — I'm really glad that you're sticking to your guns! And hey, if you can find good recipes as a side effect, sounds good to me! :?)

Linda said...

This has nothing to do with food or smoking...

I just had to say, I always get a little thrill when I notice my name is listed on your blogrolling next to Jen Crusie. :0)

Of course,I have no idea how blogrolling works (and I don't want to know). I just like it when we're next to each other.

Rachel Vincent said...

Yeah. I can't have much pasta anymore. Or much cheese. Even the yellow powdered kind. ;-(