As many of you know, I am a smoker masquerading as a nonsmoker. I've been this way since I was 15. I've tried to quit many times in my life but it wasn't until time before last that it actually stuck (for eight years) Then I started again for about six months and quit again.
So basically, I know more than the average idiot about quitting. It all comes down to the hole on the face that needs to be filled with something. Honestly, I think Freud was closer to the mark on this one than either Dr. Phil or Oprah, who tell me it's emotional issues because, quite frankly, I am probably the most emotionally stable person I know. Yes, my best friend's dad stuck his hands down my shirt when I was twelve and that scared the crap out of me, but even then, I figured it was because he was an ass, not that I had done anything wrong. When my dh gets all critical and perfectionistic, I know it's because he is an anal(more Freud)little man with OCD, and not because I'm incompetant.
So Freud, with his oral/anal theories comes closest to the hole on the face, though I don't know if it had anything to do with potty training or not.
But anyway... I am left with this hole to feed. (And no, faith in GOD does NOT fill it, because I have that and this is a damn different hole, so BACK OFF that. Ahem.)
So when not smoking, I fill it with food. Carrot sticks won't fill it either. It's a very particular hole and it wants what it wants. One time when I quit smoking, the hole wanted latkas. Don't know why, but I learned how to cook a mean latke. Honest, a latka so good I could cook them at the Pioneer Courthouse Square Hanukah Celebration and a rabbi wouldn't know the difference between mine and a kosher chef's. Another time, it was homemade hot fudge over vanilla ice cream. It was to die for. (And considering I gained forty pounds in three months that time, it almost killed me!) Once I quit and ate so much home made fettucini alfredo that it almost changed my nationality.
So what is it this time? A weird cross between Cherry Garcia ice cream and the perfect mac n cheese recipe.
And yeah, my weight yo yo's with my smoking status. Sigh. That will be the next thing I tackle. But first, I have to find another recipe. For mac and cheese.