Friday, January 27, 2006

What's it all about?

For those of you who know me (and are still reading me,) they recognise that there comes a time when I ask, "What's it all about?"

This is my fourth blog. The first one was the HUMOROUS TUMOROUS, a log of dealing with my brain tumor and the resulting radiation. There were times during that blog that I was at my caustic, humorous best, but I was being NUKED for crying out loud and people will forgive a lady with a brain tumor just about anything.

Then I became the MAD MOMWRITER . I morphed out of my tumor phase and into my pretty darn pissed, off crazy stage. During that blog, I tried without success to make myself seem crazier, zanier and more upper class than I actually was. I also drank a lot during that blog... but it had a certain cache.

I was inspired during that phase to lose a bunch of weight because I wanted to be a real winner, dontchya know, and had a secret blog called WORKING AT SLIM. I only shared that with a bunch of other crazy people who had nothing better to do all day except obsess over calories, carbs and other off limit treats. I was really pathetic... though even now I wish I had kept it up. I lost forty pounds, for heaven's sake.

Now I am MARTINIS, MOTHERHOOD AND MAYHEM. (Boy, can I relate.) This blog was supposed to be more serious...more about my fiction career, writing and the publishing world in general. Except I have found that other people do it so much better. Diana Peterfreund, for one. Intellegence and serious literary thought are her hallmark. I always come away from her sensitive, thought provoking posts on literature feeling like a Clampett. "Sure baby, bring me another beer and pass me them thar peanuts will ya?" Rachel from Work in Progress is another one. (What's she doing? She's plotting? For how long? What the heck is that all about?) One of my crit partners, an amazingly talented writer is all stuck on the theme. Theme? What the hells a theme? Isn't that the thing that so confused me in highschool that it made a voracious reader like me, skip literature class to go have a smoke? (Am I revealing too much here?) (And for your information I quit seven years ago and was rewarded with a brain tumor, thank you very much) What do you mean I can't read ahead... what the heck is a lit class for except to read?

But I digress. Ahem.

So I guess I am here for the support. I want to be able to say, "this sucks, I suck" and have a bunch of people say, "no, you don't, this is just a part of the process." (Though for all you people know, I might really suck! Snort) I want to whine and gloat and whimper and roar and snivel and beam. I want to be understood. I want to vent to people who get it. I want to read about other people whining and waiting, even Rachel and Diana, who are so much smarter than I, have to whine and wait. Maybe being a writer is the great equalizer. We all must whine and wait. No matter talented we are or aren't.

As my friend Linda says, "Thanks for playing."


Rachel Vincent said...

Oh, Teri, I feel exactly the same way. (this is theory, of course, since I'm not actually in your head, but I'm pretty confident about it.) I'm having a great 2006 so far, but I've never felt so insecure in my life. Never. I'm terrified.

And you're very smart. I know you are. And you're determined. And I read your blog fanatically, so it must be pretty damned interesting. I have a short attention span for boring stuff, and yours isn't boring.

You don't suck, and THIS doesn't suck. You'll feel better this afternoon after your agent calms you down. That's one of the things they're there for.

Go have a drink. What? It's eight-thirty in the morning? So make it a small drink. Just one. You're doin' great, hon.

Diana Peterfreund said...

It's always happy hour somewhere, Rachel.

Wow, TJ, thanks! I'm all ferklempt.

Oh, and whine away whenever. It's our birthright as writers.

PS: You don't suck. It's all part of the process. :-D

Shannon McKelden said...

Well, you caught me on an ultra insecure morning, too, Teri, so don't feel bad. I have kicked BUTT on my WIP this week and still feel like a loser because I haven't sold another book yet and I'm scared I'm going to have to go find a full-time job and...well, you name it, I'm going through it today. You are definitely not alone.

Also, don't knock blogging differently than others. Diana's blog is wonderful, yes, but if everyone wrote about the same things in the same ways, wouldn't we all be bored to death?!


Diana Peterfreund said...

Ahem, says the woman who hasn't blogged in a WEEK!

If you're kicking butt on your WIP, then let the rest of us know!

Amanda Ashby said...

Diana's right. It's all part of the process, and it's not until you go through it that you realise how amazing all those people are who have done it before us. How did they manage without having a breakdown? That's what I want to know! I

t's scary stuff and I have a dreadful feeling it doesn't get easier, but then if we wanted easy we wouldn't be doing it!

Hang in there, your call will come soon.

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