Hi, My name is Teri and I am an uber Mommy.
I didn't know I was going to be an uber Mommy. When they placed that first little bundle into my arms I thought, "Oh my Gawd, Robin Williams is right. He does look like a little old man dipped in 30 weight."
I was bewildered, befuddled and bothered by young motherhood. I was bewildered cause I didn't know it was going to be so damn hard, befuddled from lack of sleep and bothered because no one had bothered to tell me what it was like. I was also bothered because five months into it and I was preggers again. I hadn't even gotten used to the first one, let alone another one!
The second time they handed me a little bundle I thought, "Oh my gawd, another one. I am never sleeping again."
I was right.
So there I was, a young mother much more prepared to be a hippie stoner chick than a mom.
Then it hit me. I was a mom. I had no idea how to be a mom because my own Mom is... kinda flaky. So I went to school to be a mom and enrolled in an early childhood education program at the local community college.
And that was just the beginning. From tactile games to acting out books, I spent every waking hour "developing" my kids. I read everything I could get my hands on concerning nutrition, development, and education. I chose to homeschool them. Each stage they were in had its corresponding books to read. I carted them to swimming lessons, gymnastic lessons, museums, fieldtrips, and minitrips. We went on picnics and nature walks so they would be attuned to nature, I bought them pets so they would be responsible, dress up clothes so they would be imaginative. I got them involved in sports so they would be fair and know how to work in a group. We threw parties so they wouldn't go party somewhere else.
I became an uber mother with an eye on the prize... two functioning responbsible adults who live outside my home, so I can enjoy a guilt free retirement.
I (pant) Am (gasp) Almost. (heave) There. (gulp)