I have realized that:
- I can't smoke because it'll kill me and is way too expensive, anyway. This pisses me off because I used to LOVE to smoke. I'm a smoker masquerading as a non smoker and I am going to have to live my whole life like that. That, my friends, is pisser number one. Those of you who have never smoked will not understand.
- I can't drink because it will make me want to smoke. (See pisser number 1.)
- I can't eat because it makes me fat and raises my cholesterol level which will also kill me. And by eat I mean really eat. Not salads with vinegar and olive oil, or lean peices of chicken or beef grilled on bbq. NO. I'm talking bout eating. Like salads with bacon bits and blue cheese crumbles. I'm talking bout big juicy burgers with cheddar cheese. I'm talking bout chocolate, cheese cake and tiramiso!
- I can't shop because I have no money. Our children are way too expensive for me to shop. My 15 yo daughter wears Victoria's Secret and Hollister. I wear K-mart and Pennys. Enough said.
- I can't have sex because my dh and I are on different shifts and the kids are almost always here. And when both those things are not happening in tandem, we are exhausted!
- Did I mention that I can't smoke?
You know what I can do? What's left for fun? Exercise the experts say. Exercise. Oh joy. Sorry, people, but exercise is not what I would call fun. And believe me, I've tried. Curves, running, walking, weight training, tennis, bike riding, yoga. Nope, not fun. You know what would be fun?
Dirty dancing with the dh on the top of a table, sucking on a peice of chocolate, in shiny new name brand clothes while I held a cigarette in one hand and a Mojito in the other.
Now that, my friends, would be fun.