Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Kind of a bitchy mood

No, before you ask I am NOT PMSing. Dh asked that and I wanted to pinch his head off. I came to a realization yesterday that does not make me happy AT ALL! (I shared this with a couple of friends yesterday so if you've already heard the rant feel free to run screaming into the night.)

I have realized that:

  1. I can't smoke because it'll kill me and is way too expensive, anyway. This pisses me off because I used to LOVE to smoke. I'm a smoker masquerading as a non smoker and I am going to have to live my whole life like that. That, my friends, is pisser number one. Those of you who have never smoked will not understand.
  2. I can't drink because it will make me want to smoke. (See pisser number 1.)
  3. I can't eat because it makes me fat and raises my cholesterol level which will also kill me. And by eat I mean really eat. Not salads with vinegar and olive oil, or lean peices of chicken or beef grilled on bbq. NO. I'm talking bout eating. Like salads with bacon bits and blue cheese crumbles. I'm talking bout big juicy burgers with cheddar cheese. I'm talking bout chocolate, cheese cake and tiramiso!
  4. I can't shop because I have no money. Our children are way too expensive for me to shop. My 15 yo daughter wears Victoria's Secret and Hollister. I wear K-mart and Pennys. Enough said.
  5. I can't have sex because my dh and I are on different shifts and the kids are almost always here. And when both those things are not happening in tandem, we are exhausted!
  6. Did I mention that I can't smoke?

You know what I can do? What's left for fun? Exercise the experts say. Exercise. Oh joy. Sorry, people, but exercise is not what I would call fun. And believe me, I've tried. Curves, running, walking, weight training, tennis, bike riding, yoga. Nope, not fun. You know what would be fun?

Dirty dancing with the dh on the top of a table, sucking on a peice of chocolate, in shiny new name brand clothes while I held a cigarette in one hand and a Mojito in the other.

Now that, my friends, would be fun.


Anonymous said...

Oh, Teri, I'm sorry you're in a bad mood, and even sorrier that your rant cracks me up!

I'm right there with you on the eating and exercizing. But I don't drink much, and I've never smoked. In fact, breathing in cigarette smoke is the fastest way I've discovered yet to trigger one of my migraines.

But I do sympathize with your irritation at having to quit. And I admire you for doing it even though you don't want to.

Hope your day gets better!

Anonymous said...

I hated when I had to give up smoking. It was so hard, however instead of stopping me from drinking, it seemed to make me drink twice as much. Hic.

Hmmm, that probably wasn't very helpful was it? But what I can say is that you HAVE to buy yourself something gorgeous with the money you save from not smoking. There, at least your shopping is now justified!

Jaci Burton said...

Man, do I ever feel your pain.

I still smoke and I admire the hell out of you for giving it up. It's one of the hardest addictions to battle. You deserve a huge reward for doing it and sticking to it. And you should reward yourself for all the money you save NOT doing it. Screw Penneys and Kmart. Spend some on yourself. The sacrifice you made is worth the indulgence, dammit.

Sex...gotta have that. Y'all are just gonna have to find a way to meet during shift change or something. The kids are old enough to learn to understand what a closed bedroom door means - don't enter!

Life is just hard sometimes.


Kerry Blaisdell said...

Poor baby! I know it's bad now, but at some point, you'll be glad you did this, even if you still miss it. You love your kids and your DH, and most of all, you love yourself. That doesn't make it easier, but maybe it will make the effort more bearable.