Friday, February 22, 2008

The Killer Queen

Linda, help me out here... right now I am trying to be Martha/Bri... what did I used to call my perfectionistic tendencies? Martha fly by? What? (Sorry to confuse my most recent readers, but this was back in the day of the humorous tumorous blog)

Anyhoo...

Like proverbial Proverbs 31 woman (and if you haven't read this, you really should, if nothing else then to give a serious case of the inadequacies, which are kind of like the heebyjeebies with a dash of guilt thrown in.) Martha/Bri performs a series of duties each day that would kill most of us. And I really think our job is much more difficult in modern times because we have a lot of self care shit we're supposed to do too. Let's look at what the Martha Bir's of the world have going on...

*Wake children up with the patience of a saint and make sure they get off to school or started on their homeschool work. (I admit to screaming at my teenage daughter. That scene in Freaky Friday where Jamie Lee Curtis is pulling a comatose Lindsey Lohan out of bed? That's for real)

*Look over that day's to do list, while making coffee, baking up breakfast, Getting dressed (looking together, mind you, not in track pants and a holey t-shirt)

*Do that day's work which includes, making your bed so you have a nice place to relax with your significant other at days end, dishes, planning meals, grocery shopping, straightening up the house, doing some yard work if need be, (I live in Oregon and it always needs be) juggling the calendar,(remember birthdays!) driving, driving, driving, laundry, and errands. And that doesn't include your oh-so-fulfilling career.

*Also, don't forget relational care like spending time alone with and nurturing each child, having a fulfilling romantic relationship with your spouse and having girl time with your best friends. (And I don't think that a rushed thirty minutes for coffee where you both bitch as quickly as you can, counts. Sorry Ann:)

*Don't forget self care such as getting an hour of exercise daily, meditation/devotionals or some other spiritual fulfillment, looking your best, flossing your teeth, taking off your makeup every night before bed, and have I forgotten anything? Oh, right, scheduling your mammagram, pap, and teeth cleanings. Hair appointments, and brow appointments

All that is doable right? Notice it doesn't say anywhere in that list, downtime to watch The Biggest Loser and American Idol. I need my reality TV.

As a side note, not really relevant to anything, but don't you hate it when you can't find your book? I was reading a book while eating lunch yesterday afternoon and couldn't find it when I went to go to bed last night. I swear, I was ready to kill! KILL I tell you!

Secret Countdown: 77 hours

3 comments:

Mrs. Annie said...

Now you just look right here you! Just because I wrote about you being me best girly pal, doesn't mean you get more time! Crap! I had 30 min, that's it! Take it or leave it! Mary hasn't had thirty min. of my time since MAY! May I tell ya!

Snicker. Besides, I bought you tea last time...okay, it was purchased in hell (aka McDonalds) and there were wee, clingy, blonde girls there, but I PAID! Snort!

And since when do you take your make-up off at night? The next thing you're going to tell me is that you use moisturizer...

I've told you and told, I hate it when you're perfect. It makes me insecure, which makes me eat. Which makes me fat, which makes me eat...You really don't want to be responsible for that do you?

Mumble, mumble, mumble...

Mutter, mutter, mutter...

Snicker...

Linda Sherwood said...

Did someone say Snickers? Mmmhhhmmmm.

Martha Flybly, I believe it was.

I don't remember where the bly was from....

Linda Sherwood said...

Did someone say Snickers? Mmmhhhmmmm.

Martha Flybly, I believe it was.

I don't remember where the bly was from....